your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
