So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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