Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
