I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
