Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
