good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
