I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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