People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
