Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
