omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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