Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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