so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
