The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
