I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
