i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
she woke up with a sticky ear
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
