Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
