i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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