I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The power of my boobs compel you
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
