People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
