I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
