woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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