When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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