I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
