If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
