k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
