if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
