Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
