What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
