I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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