I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
