So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
