sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
