I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Betty ford says i'm here all night
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
