On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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