Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
