he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
