I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I am naked and annoyed.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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