two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
