ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
