I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
