whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
