I wanna bring you to show and tell
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
