Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
