I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
