I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
4 words: hood of his car
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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