Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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