I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
