He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
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