Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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