Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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