i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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